Authentic

I can not believe how fast this year has gone by. It is December already! It seems like just yesterday I started my blog; full of determination and ready to make some changes in my life. Blah, Blah, Blah!
The fact is I started this year full of hurt and anger; hurt about a relationship gone wrong and angry because I allowed myself to be taken for granted, AGAIN. So I set out on this "I'm gonna show this Mutha F$% mission". A mission that left me deeper in despair and full of regret. A mission that had no direction and therefore would only lead to that wonderful place called NOWHERE LAND!
Needless to say I didn't reach the goals I'd set for myself (dramatic weight loss, finished book and Phabolous New Lifestyle). Why? Because I was too consumed by hating him. As if he even cared. LOL! I can laugh now because I realize how ridiculous I have been. It takes an extreme amount of time and energy hating someone, not forgiving them and trying to get revenge. Energy that can be better spent LIVING! Talk about your AHA! Moments!
I spent my Thanksgiving Vacation relaxing; browsing the internet, listening to music, writing and watching movies. I finally got around to watching Eat, Pray, Love with Julia Roberts. OMG! Loved it as much as I loved the book. The message in the movie was clear....CHANGE. One of the most profound statements had to do with relationships.

" Sometimes we spend our lives with someone being miserable just so we don't have to be Apart".

Who does that? Me....you and so many other people we know. We stay in relationships, on jobs and in situations rather than deal with the what ifs that come when we walk away. We stay in relationships with people that will never be able to rise up and meet us. We settle into the mediocrity of just enough. Dealing with people that will never be able to lift us into our hopes, our dreams and our aspirations. Miserable Rather Than Alone!!! Hmmm! What's so bad about being Alone; taking comfort in our own presence? How can I expect anyone to want to be with me when I can't stand being with myself? Wow!!

I've wasted so many years in miserable relationships in an effort to not be alone. Thinking that somehow the lonliness of solitude would engulf me and swallow me whole. Settling. It pisses me off when I think about it. Settling for misery because I am afraid of change. Afraid of everything crumbling into ruins.

But perhaps the ruins is the gift. The Road to transformation. It is not until we are Broken that we realize our ability to fight, to endure, to rise, to triumph and start again. It is in the ruins that we find out who we are and become who we were meant to be; our Authentic Selves.

So my prayers have changed dramatically since last year: "God Who Am I? How long must I dwell in the ruins, sift through the trash and misgivings of life to find My True Self? Lord I want to be My Authentic Self! I want to know her, breath her in, take on her scent, live through her, love through her....Lord I want to be her! If she is me and I am her, why haven't we met? Why is she so allusive? I think it's time we became friends. Amen

 A Phabolous Thought: "We must always be prepared for endless waves of Tranformation"

The Road Ahead

I know it's been a while since my last blog, a month to be exact. I must admit I've missed pouring my heart out to anyone who would listen. Writing is, as  it always has been, very therapeutic for me. So why stop? Life...life kinda got in the way. And I needed to step back for a minute and do some serious Soul Searching. Trying to figure out when and where I lost track of myself, my dreams, and my life in general. I find that I am very frustrated right now. Frustrated because I feel like I've wasted so much valuable time running away from myself.

I've come to the conclusion that I've never taken the time to get to know myself. I've discovered that I've followed a road and lead a journey that was not meant for me. The funny part about it is that I can't say I was given the wrong directions, I simply chose to follow the road most traveled and take the easiest route. My awakening is so surreal and sobering that I wonder why it took 38 years to arrive here.  
I'm stressed, honestly. I am financially, spiritually, emotionally and physically exhausted. The weight that I carry is just a manifestation of everything that is going on in my life. Food is my crack and right now I'm getting blazed in an effort to forget about all of the shit that is going wrong. When I'm not getting high(eating), I get pissed off. Because surely I did not do this to myself. But at the end of the day...the reality of it is, I DID IT TO MYSELF! I've lived above my means trying to Keep Up with the Jones, who by the way just filed bankruptcy, LOL! I did not nurture and protect my relationship with God. I let people into my life that were not good for me and I did not take care of me...period. WOOSHHH!
Now here I stand 38 years old, finally pulling out my Life Map, seeing the need to make a U turn, letting go of most of the baggage I've acquired along the way, and heading straight for the Starting Line. Yes the starting line! So surreal...yet so refreshing. I feel like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders. I've made some really tough decisions. Decisions that are going to change my life dramatically for the better. From the outside looking in it may seem like I am regressing and I'm fine with people thinking what they want to think. That has been my problem for too many years; worrying about what other people think. People that are more than likely in the same situation, looking for a way out.  So let them call it regressing. I call it De-Stressing. Letting go of the unnecessary so I can find peace and move forward.

How liberating it is to Discover yourself...how Phabolous to realize that even at 38 you can begin again. I'm still pissed because I wish my awakening had come sooner. But they say 30 is the new 20 so I guess I'm only 28.
So funny because in January when I started this blog all I really wanted was to look phabolous. You know, wear the right belt with the right bag. I never thought for one minute my greatest PHAB FIND would be my peace of mind.

Skinny Jeans

I believe that no matter how thick or thin you may be, every woman needs to have a pair of skinny jeans. Wait! Let me clarify myself by saying I am not talking about those tiny, pencil legged, jeans that should only be worn by the extremely thin and very tall. No, no, NO! I am referring to that pair of jeans that hugs your body in all the right places, lifts your booty and makes you look and feel like a million dollars every time you slip them on. The jeans you talk about getting back into when you've put on a few extra pounds. They may be a size 10, 16 or even a size 22. They could be a pair of old, relaxed fit Levis or a trendy pair of Seven jeans....whatever they are, you know that when you put them on you look GOOD! Your stance, your walk, hell your entire demeanor changes when you have them on. Because you are WHAT! A stunna, lol. At least that's what you think and that's all that really matters.

My upcoming trip to New Orleans  has me shopping like a mad woman! So much so that on Saturday I found it necessary to take some time to do a little closet inventory to access what I have and what I REALLY need. Because at the end of the day... it's a 3 day trip people. How many pairs of sandles and capris do I really need?

So there I was, standing in front of my closet piecing together outfits. And low and behold I run across my SKINNY JEANS. Jesus.... I said Sweet Jesus! How I love these jeans; nice, dark- washed, bootcut with just the right amount of stretch. You'd have to kill me before you could tell me I didn't look good in them. I haven't had them on my body in at least 3 years...What the Hell!

 It's going to take miles and miles of walking, several thousand crunches, some butter, 4 prayer warriors and team of professional movers but I promise you those jeans are making their way to New Orleans. After further accessment I realized I have several items in my closet with tags still attached. Clothes I've purchased a couple sizes too small to use as diet incentives. All clothes that should be traveling to New Orleans in July. That is, If I get my mind right and drop a few pounds.

I pulled my Skinny Jeans out this morning and hugged them close and whispered "I'll see you in the French Quarters".  I threw them over my closet door so I could look at them everyday and remember how good I felt when I had them on and how wonderful I'm going to look when I wear them again in New Orleans. 

The Bucket List

I often speak about the kind of life I want to enjoy; the family vacations, the girlfriend getaways and me retreats. I SPEAK about it often but very seldom do I afford myself such luxuries. I have been working since I was 17 years old. I've been a successful entrepreneur for over 10 years; grinding daily to build my business and secure the lifestyle I've become accustomed to. While I have enjoyed the freedom and security that comes along with owning your own business, I have also suffered many of the consequences. The most obvious and perhaps most damaging being very few opportunities to take off, relax and regroup. All work and very little time to play has made Lisa a very UNHAPPY CAMPER!
What is it all for, when you work your behind off and neglect to enjoy the fruits of your labor? Who really wants to work just to simply survive? Life is meant to enjoy.

I made up my mind this year that I was going to start traveling....exploring my city, my country and the world I live in. There is so much out there to experience and I refuse to miss out on all that this life has to offer. 

So I created a "Bucket List". Now for those of you who have not seen this excellent film starring, Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson it is a must see, thought provoking movie. In the movie Morgan's character finds out he is dying and decides to create a list of everything he wants to do before he passes away or Kicks the Bucket. Which raises the question: Why does it take the threat of death for some of us to figure out We should be living? Crazy huh?
I'm ashamed to admit it but that has been me for far too long. On the other hand I'm happy to annouce that I will no longer be a benchwarmer on the sidelines of Life. I will not wait until I'm stricken with illness or given X amount of time to live before I decide to do what I should have been doing all along, Living! My Bucket List will not be a last attempt at life before an impending death but rather a celebration of my rebirth.
What began as a list of 10 places to go, things to do and goals to accomplish has expanded into a Heavenly Grant of obtainable Blessings and Gifts that I know my Father will one day give me; The Desires of my heart. I started the list one Sunday while sitting in church. By the end of service I was overwhelmed by how much I wanted: 1. Shop on Rodeo Drive 2. Walk Along the Black Beaches of Africa 3. Earn a PHD 4. Attend a play on Broadway 5. Empower someone to Change their Life. The list goes on forever but yet nothing on it seems far fetched.

The journey has just begun, there is so much living, loving and growing to be done; so many Phabolous years ahead. And I'm not letting another minute pass me by. First Stop... The Essence Festival in New Orleans in July. I've gathered my traveling companions, booked my room and now I'm simply counting the days. One thing I know for sure is I plan to dance like I'm 20, laugh like a school girl and party like a Rock Star.

Standing In The Need of Prayer

                                 It's me, It's me, It's me Oh Lord
                                 Standing in the need of Prayer
                           STANDING IN THE NEED OF PRAYER

Somehow at the beginning of all of this I thought it would be so much easier. I really thought I had it all figured out. Starting over seemed so simple. All I had to do was wipe away the bad things, detox my life, cleanse my spirit and begin again. Let me be the first to say....This Sh:t ain't easy and on most days I feel like I'm in the fight of my life. Struggling to keep it all together, struggling to stay afloat...just struggling.
It is very hard to find your inner Diva when life is kicking your ass. What I will say is that despite my bad days, I still look forward to completing this journey. I really can not predict where I will be in the next 9 months but I know I will be a different woman than I was when I began. These first 3 months have been extremely hard but very revealing. I've learned that I am only 1/2 as weak as I thought I was and not nearly as strong as I was pretending to be.
Funny....when you strip away the bull that clutters your life and stand naked in front of the mirror of  reality; you see yourself for who you really are. The reality of it is that I need help. Despite my "I can do it by myself" resolve at the beginning of the year, I started turning to my friends and love ones and asking for help. I've started asking the people that I know pray to Pray for Me, pray for my health and pray for my journey. It has been very humbling and eye opening. You find out who really loves you and has your best interest at heart when you ask them for help. Most will say yes "I'll help you and I'll pray for you", but watch how many truly follow through. How many will call and encourage you, inquire about your successes and failures; knock on your door and pull you out of your house and out of your slump? How many REALLY want to see you reach your goals? How many can handle you living a Phabolous Life?
Let's just say the truth has no problem revealing itself when you seek it. More importantly when you open yourself up and reveal your truth; people can better understand you and your needs and PRAY for you. Yes the journey has been hard and its had its ups and downs but I can appreciate every bump and bruise I've acquired thus far. I look forward to the smooth roads ahead as I continue to navigate around the potholes of life, STILL FIT TO BE PHABOLOUS!

21 DAYS

I have issues with food. If I am to be completely honest with myself, I've always had issues with food and I'm sure I always will to some degree. It is the way I cope with the Ups and Downs of life. When I'm sad, I eat. When I'm depressed, I eat. When I'm angry, pissed, happy, in or out of love, I eat. I am an emotional eater and since I am always filled with some form of emotion, I am always looking for something good to eat.

The messed up part about being a food addict is that unlike the drug addict or the alcoholic, food MUST be a daily part of my life. I cannot simply go through a 12 step program, turn my back on food and walk away. A food addict has to face their demons daily. And until you've stood in front of the refrigerator at 2 in the morning trying to decide between pancakes or potato salad, only to end up eating both; you cannot imagine how hard it is for a food addict to lose weight.

That being said, I am struggling right now. I am trying SO VERY hard to wrap my head around this whole diet and exercise thing and it is literally kicking my ass. Truthfully, every day I start out on my program. Some days are better than others. Then there are those days that are JUST the WORST. The mornings start off pretty good but then around lunch time, after the day has become frustrating because the phone has been ringing off the hook, my students are running around not listening and I've fallen behind schedule...All I want is something sweet and delightful to calm my nerves. I need a HIT! WTH! It's so weird because I know exactly when I'm beginning to crash. I start this internal dialogue with myself. Trying to justify whatever I've set my sights on eating. "I can start over fresh in the morning" or "I can just work out extra hard in the morning". But what it all boils down to is that once again I've relinquised control. I've given something that has absolutely NO Power... Power and Control over me. HELP!

Being that I am dealing with an Addiction, I feel the need to take extreme measures. If it were up to me I would love to be locked in a room and made to shake and sweat for about 60 days, like Pookie on New Jack City. But since I know that's not about to happen and I know that I cannot cut out food completely; I feel I should at least cut out my trigger foods.
My Pastor once said that if you do something consistantly for 21 days it becomes habit and can then easily be continued. So I plan to give up sugar, bread, starch and all the other WHITES for 21 days. I also plan to workout for 21 days straight without break, Yes even on Saturday and Sunday. Extreme...please not as extreme as eating yourself to death. It surely isn't nearly as extreme as having a stroke because of high blood pressure or losing a limb because of diabetes. This is my life I'm talking about, extreme is all I have left. Wish me LUCK!

Who's Swag Is It Anyway?

It's been a few days since my last blog; honestly I've had writers block. However I refuse to bombard you with mindless jibber that lacks substance. So rather than just putting something out there into the universe in order to say "I blogged today", I will wait until I have something significant to share. Ugh! This is something I have been struggling with for about a month. When I started my blog I spoke of a 365 day journey which in its self implied that I would be blogging everyday. And in the beginning I did without fail. In the beginning I was filled with a ton of emotions. I had so much bottled up inside me and so much to say, that once day was not even enough. I still have alot to say, but now the work of the journey has begun and the frequency of my blogging may not be as often. But I promise you that if you bare with the shifting that is going on in my life, you will not be disappointed. I will continue to be as raw and honest with you as I have been in the past. Giving you all of me as I search for the Best IN ME!

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, I want to talk about something that has been gnawing at me for about a week or so. In the beginning of the year I was confronted with a situation that made me question my own sense of style and my overall look. As you know initially the entire permise of my journey was built around discovering my inner diva, or finding my SWAG! Because of that, I spend alot of time WATCHING...or perhaps you can call it RESEARCHING. I pay close attention to the style and Swagger of not only the women in my circle but also to everyday people I encounter on the street. My findings: Swag is all about individual style. You can be a quirky, eclectic misfit or a completely conservative, classic business woman and still have swagger. By definition Swagger is confidence, an air of self assurance. It is the belief in one's self and the ability to project that confidence into the atmosphere. Your swagger is your stance, your posture and your  presence. It is the ultimate statement of Who you are.
Your style is what you make of it and how well you pull it off. You can not pull off a great look that is not yours. If your feet are on fire because you're wearing heels or you're constantly tugging and pulling because you have been talked into wearing something short and revealing; you are not going to feel confident. Which means you have defeated yourself off the rip by robbing your own swag.
Example: Two equally beautiful women can enter a room wearing identical looks from head to toe, but if one woman lacks the confidence needed to carry the look off, then it really doesn't matter what she's wearing; no one's going to notice her.
So you can not MOCK someone else's swagger. What you must do is find and master your own. First by building your confidence and establishing a clear conscience of Who you are and what you want the world to see when they look at you, what they hear when they speak to you and what they remember when you walk away.

Laughing Out Loud

I have worked with children for over 20 years now. Through the years I have touched the lives of hundred of young scholars, educating them and giving them the social skills needed to embark on the rest of their academic careers. All the while learning from them one simple truth...there is joy in the simpliest of things. Happiness can be found in the hardest of times and laughter is like therapy for the heart. There is something to be said about the ability to Laugh out Loud. The mere thought of throwing your head back and laughing so the world can hear brings a smile to your face.
I am entering the 3rd month of my year long journey/transformation. Along the way I have had several set backs coupled with times of utter despair. Through the struggles and the tears I've managed to find solitude and refuge in the laughter of my little ones. Their laughter is infectious and highly contagious. I've learned that even the ugliest of situations can be turned around if I just take the time to look on the bright side of things and laugh. Knowing always that Most things are not as Bad as they seem and Nothing is as Good as It GETS.
So Smile...better yet laugh! And if you can't find anything new to laugh about, reminisce about lighter days and better times. Whatever you do rejoice and know that as promised:   JOY COMETH IN THE MORNING!

FINDING YOUR VOICE

So in the beginning I told you about my alter ego “Anayah”. In my opinion she is the true personification of what I want to be when I reach the 2011 destination of my journey. Each day I discover that Anayah is more a part of me than I thought she was. She is me and I am her. It’s just a matter of allowing this part of myself to be. I realize that over the years I’ve hidden this side of myself. Why? Because Anayah is brassy, unconstrained and in your face. She says what she wants and means what she says. She is not a people pleaser; her pleasure derives from self and the ability to remain true and honest.


Lisa on the other hand is a people pleaser. I have taken biting your tongue and swallowing your words to a whole new level. I don’t like shaking things up and on most occasions take in more bulls**t than I put out. Usually to the point that I can’t take anymore and I snap. This is no way to live; this is without a shadow of doubt a weight in my life that has caused me to carry the weight on my body.

People take advantage of you when they don’t know your Voice. They place their demands and expectations upon you when you fail to be heard. When you stand by and allow the people in your life: your family, your friends, your lover, your co-workers etc., to wipe their feet on you, they get used to you being their door mat. You assume the posture of someone who is to be overlooked and discarded. Someone who can be used and misused.

There is something totally wonderful and phabolous about standing your ground and saying what’s on your mind. There is something freeing about NOT allowing the world to have its way with you. There is something completely Liberating about SCREAMING! Leave me alone! Don’t talk to me in that manner! You will Respect ME! Or my all time favorite, GO TO STRAIGHT TO HELL! Whatever the words are that you’ve been holding back in fear that you may offend someone or lose someone dear…..say them before you lose the one person you should hold dearest…YOURSELF!

The Power of Life and Death are on the tip of your Tongue. Give Voice to a New Life and A New Way of Living!

Affirm Daily: I am Wonderfully Phabolous, Beautiful and Strong. I am Successful and Powerful, Resilient and Full of Life…Because of this and so Much More, You will Honor and Respect Me or You will Remove Yourself from My Life!

Here We Go AGAIN

Here I am again. This is the way it goes down EVERY TIME. I start out the gate running full speed ahead, ready to conquer the world. I feel invincible, unstoppable and determined. This is it! This time around I’m going to show all the nay sayers and haters that didn’t believe in me that I could do it. I'm going to prove once and for all that once I set my mind to it I was able to achieve everything I said I would.
That’s in the beginning, when the fire is hot and my mind and will are aligned. That was back in January, when anger, hurt and passion were fueling my ambitions and I wanted more than anything to come out on top. That was before the work began. Once reality set in and I realized the amount of work that needed to be done in order for change to occur, the Old Lisa stepped in. And I have been in a mental fist fight with her ever since. I’m puzzled as to how this happens to me. Almost without warning, one morning I wake up and all the zest and zeal is gone. I am back in that place of self doubt and confusion. Asking why me Lord, why me? Why can’t I have success? Why does it come so easy for some yet so hard for me? Am I not worthy? What have they done that I am not doing? Why is life so easy for them? BLAH. BLAH! BLAH! You know….whoa is me! Whoa is ME!

The difference this time is that I recognize and am now confronting my biggest enemy, ME! I have allowed so many years to past me by. Years that could have been used productively. I’m pissed with myself for allowing the EXCUSES to get in the way. I have a thousand and one excuses as to why I haven’t done the things that I say I want to do. A thousand and one EXCUSES that amount to absolutely nothing.

I have been struggling with my weight for years; juggling the same 50 to 75 pounds. Losing it, gaining it…living with it. (SCREAMING!!!!!) I am so F**King tired of hearing my own sob story about the weight. Stop eating so damn much Lisa, workout….it’s not Rocket Science. Either lose it or accept it. But for the love of God please stop whinning about it! Then there’s school. LOL! I have been finishing school for 15 years. I should have a Double Doctrine by now. Again either finish or shut up about it. More importantly come to grips and realize that the level of my success is not determined by a Degree someone gives me but yet by the Degree of intensity I give to myself and my life. Ahhh HA!!!
And last but certainly not least is my writing, my book. This is by my biggest crime against myself. I have sat back and watched far LESS talented people publish books and achieve the very success I’ve envisioned for myself. What is that! It’s INSANITY that’s what it is! I must be out of my mind…to sit on God given talent and just allow it to waste away. I am doing myself a grave injustice.

I’ve got to get back on track. I’ve strayed away from the plan. I’ve lost sight of the vision. I’ve lost FOCUS. I thank God for allowing me to see it now instead of 3 or 4 months down the line. I refuse to bring in 2011 standing in the same spot I was in at the beginning of 2010; assuming the same position in the same posture. I promise you…NO I PROMISE MYSELF that when I toast the New Year in 2011 I will not be the same person. I will have to ID myself because I plan to be unrecognizable even to me!  Mentally, Physically and Spiritually Transformed. Phabolous beyond Recognition!

Makes Me Wanna Holler

Life is overwhelming when you're living. I've discovered that when you are truly trying to do everything you should be doing and everything you want to do, there are not enough hours in the day. Scheduling and planning are a must and even then sometimes you wanna just throw your hands in the air and holler.

 My day usually begins at 4:30am with a workout until 6:00am, rush home shower and get dressed. Start my blog, open my business and work until 1:00pm, when I normally get a break. Hopefully during this time if I'm lucky I'll get to finish my blog, post it; eat some lunch and maybe even relax. By 2:30pm I start back up again and I don't finish until around 6:00pm on a good day. At which time I try to find some dinner, work on my book and tidy my house. If I manage to stay awake, I catch up on a little television which doesn't last long before I am fast asleep. Mind you some days there are errands to run...the bank, drug store, groceries, and even a date here and there. WTH! And I can just forget about the weekends because Saturday is usually a marathon of running around! Sunday is a blurr and then it's Monday all over again!!
I'm saying all this to express a need to revamp my schedule and find some type of sensibility especially before  I add school to the equation. I've got to discover a life less complicated that allows me to accomplish my goals with minimum stress and maximum joy. Otherwise my journey will be derailed and I will return to my old routine of doing the bare minimum, just enough to get by.

Ah Haah Moment #10: Never be afraid to take a detour. It's better to take a different path that leads to the same destination than to give up and turn back.

Obligations

We are so many things to so many people that sometimes we forget to be ourselves. We spend so much time running through life trying to meet the expectations and obligations set for us by others that we lose ourselves and become titles... dedicated moms, devoted wifes, disciplined church members and indispensable employees. So many titles that the Tracys, Monicas and Nicoles get lost. We put so much effort into upholding an "Image" that eventually when we look in the mirror we don't recognize the image staring back at us.
When we strip away the titles imposed upon us by others, what are we left with? Why are we so quick to define ourselves by the deeds and work we do for others? Instead shouldn't the definition of who we are be the one that clearly affirms the Destiny we've set for ourselves? Should we not be so bold as to decide who we want to be? Why is saying "No" and doing for self so quickly associated with being selfish and therefore wrong?
I am so sick and tired of feeling guilty for not wanting to be everything to everybody. And even more tired of people trying to pimp my talents and my time. It seems no matter what, there will always be those that are more than willing to leech off the skills and efforts of others.

A great part of my journey is taking care of Self; putting me first. I will no longer feel obligated to comply, conform or commit myself to anything but Me and My God. Everyone and everything else is secondary and therefore must wait until I have the time and energy to give to their situation. I will no longer carry the weight of others, especially those who are not willing to carry mine. The weight of the world will no longer be placed upon my shoulders. I wanna be FREE! Free to be the Phabolous Woman I was Destine to BE!

This is my Emancipation Speech...

Support

I believe in order to truly be successful, one must surround themselves with family and friends that offer support. People that are familiar with your struggles and have a genuine vested interest in your success. I have often referred to them as passengers on the journey but in many ways they are conductors. The good ones, the ones that truly love and believe in you are essential. It is their guidance that will steer the way when you get off track. It is their words that will resonate in your heart and mind when you feel discouraged. It is their strength that will carry you when you feel like you can not go on.
I spend a lot of time looking for motivation and support to aid me on my journey. I find myself seeking songs that inspire me, quotes that lift me, television shows that inform me and online communities that offer support and encouragement. I am always amazed at the outpour of support and kindness of strangers. People struggling with the same issues and concerns; willing to share their stories and offer their support. People just like me.
One such community can be found at Sparkpeople.com. On this site you will find people of all ages and from all walks of life that are working towards losing weight. The site is free and offers countless tools that will aid you in your journey. Tools that allow you to track your daily caloric intake, as well as give you menus to follow according to your dietary needs. Tools that map out work out regiments and help you set fitness goals. I just joined yesterday and I love it. Simple to use and easy to apply.
If you just want to be inspired by other people's success, try "The Biggest Loser" at NBC.com. The tranformations are remarkable no matter how many times you watch them. This site also offers weight loss strategies, menu ideas and recipes; as well as workout routines. I start my morning by watching the videos and tracking the success stories of former contestants.
No matter who or where you draw your inspiration from, remember to feed your spirit daily with words and images that will encourage your success. What you take in is what you put out...Watch your thoughts, they become your words. Watch your words, they become your actions. Watch your actions, they become your habits. Watch your habits, they become your character. WATCH YOUR CHARACTER, IT BECOMES YOUR DESTINY. I am determined that my destiny is alined with Greatest and full of Phabolous living!

The Pressure

Things happen for a reason and all of it happens in due season. Sometimes the very thing you run from is the very thing you need. I am learning to embrace life just as it comes to me. Learning to change the things that I can and to accept the things that I have no control over. I'm learning to Stand still and Listen. Listening is so HARD. Going into that quiet place where only you and God dwell, silencing the noise of the world and following the lead of the One that already knows the plan. The One who the wrote the plan.
The arrogant part of me would like to believe that this journey was of my own choosing. But it was Time, I think the Creator got tired of watching me travel around in the same circle wasting the gifts He had given me. He created me to be Phabolous and to live a Phabolous life. That is His wish for all of us. I don't believe a person has to be holier than thou or walk around toting a bible to recognize when God is moving in their lives. Sometimes there is no other explanation.
Over the past 47 days I have been in a tug of war, fighting with great vigor the changes that are occuring in my life. This time I am not winning...God is standing His ground. He is deteremined that my life will be an example of how great He is.

Anyone who has been through a season of change knows that the hardest part is the Pressure. The pressure that must be applied in order to uncover the beauty that lies within. If you can withstand the pressure... Glory! I am learning that during this season of change everything has a purpose. Every triumph, every trail and every tribulation has a purpose. There is a reason why people seem to be turning their backs on you. There is a reason why you are always sick, always tired. There is a reason why you lost your job, there is a reason why the relationship ended. Even my insomnia has a purpose.There is no time for Sleep...Change is Coming! The pressure is changing my posture. I don't Stand the same therefore I won't Stand for the same. The pressure is making my heart Tougher, my mind Wiser and my shoulders Stronger. So the next time life throws me a punch I'll be Tough enough to withstand it or Wise enough to duck. The next time the weight of the world is on my shoulders I'll be able to stand a little taller, throw my shoulders back and Scream "Is that All you GOT!" The pressure... I Thank God for the Pressure. I'm thankful He chose me to apply pressure to. I know it is because He sees in me what I have yet to see in myself, A Diamond. And just as you must apply pressure to a lump of coal to produce a diamond, so must you apply pressure to your life to come out Shinning. Shinning Like the Beautiful, Brilliant, Phabolous Jewel you were meant to be.

She Needs A Spanxing

I have a confession...I have been out of order and sited for being in violation of a critical dress code:
"Every wardrobe must be Built Upon a Strong Foundation; Undergarments that Smooth, Support and Hold."

 I am so ashamed! SMH. I have always been an advocate for a good bra but have strayed away from the beckoning calls of girdles and spanx. Why? I hate to feel confined. Shame on me;  confinement is a small price to pay to hide the sins of age and gravity.
It seems that even skinny women can appreciate the value of a good body shaper. So I guess I need a Spanxing! Again I have always believed in investing in a good quality bra. And because I have been so heavily blessed I make it a point of getting properly fitted for my bras, spending as much as $50.00 for just one. To some this may seem a bit expensive but in my opinion you can not put a price on the unkeep of the 'Girls'.  There is nothing worst or more damaging than breast that hang low. Not a good look at all, regardless of the size.
Now as far as girdles or what I like to call under armor are concerned, I have never been  a fan. One, as I mentioned before I always feel so confined and restricted when wearing these garments and two which is the most important factor for me, it takes a minute to get out of these things and I don't have the strongest bladder in the world. WTH! I have always said I'd rather jiggle in my clothes than sprinkle on them. I know TMI (too much information). But as we all know it only takes a drop to ruin your entire day....been there done that. LOL 
Regardless of my reasons, it seems I need to get over it as my cousin Kay would say. Spanx are an essential part of a true Phat and Phabolous diva's wardrobe. She will not leave home without them. Whether she's rocking a sexy form fitting dress, some sleek leggings or a trendy jogging suit, spanx are MUST WEAR!! So it seems I have no choice but to invest in some fat stabilizers. This being established I've done some investigating and I find myself gravitating towards spanx. They come in wide variety of styles, sizes and colors. They appear to be less restricting and just as effective. Girdles are a bit much for me and body magic....WTH, can we say torture chamber. You might as well wear a corset, how Medieval. So unless anyone can suggest something more effective and less confining I'm going with spanx. Wow....all in the name of Phab. Again "To Thy Ownself Be True". You know who you are... only jello is meant to jiggle.

What Not To Wear

Over the past few weeks I find myself scouring through catalogs and department stores looking for a fresh new look. Clothes that are hot, trendy and classy; pieces that will further my transition from ordinary sista to extraordinary diva. But instead of satisfying my quest for a new look and a host of phab finds fit for a Plus Size Queen...I find myself trapped in an episode of "What Not To Wear".
It seems that the reoccuring theme amongst plus size fashion designers is to simply mimic the styles and designs of the designers of regular size clothing. Now to some this may not seem like such a bad idea. I for one believe in equal opportunity clothing. BUT just because it looks good in a size 10 does not mean it will look good in a size 26. So I guess it's up to us to know "What Not To Wear".
A true Diva knows herself and is very familiar with what works for her body and style. I always say "To Thy Own Self Be True". Meaning 9 times out of 10 we know off the rip whether or not a particular look works for us. And for those of us who don't, intervention is on the way.

 A prime example are Leggings. Leggings are making a comeback and women of all shapes and sizes are rocking them left and right. While a pair of leggings can add life to a drab essemble, there are certain rules that must be followed.

1) Unless you are a size 8 or smaller...please do not wear them without at least a hip length top. No one wants to see all that your mama gave you, especially when it takes on the shape of a triangle.

2) Go dark on stay home! As a friend of mine recently told me, no grown woman in her right mind should be out and about in lime green, hot pink or corvett red leggings. WTH! You are not Blossom or Punky Brewster!!

3) Last but certainly not least...leggings are very unforgiving. They reveal ever dent, bump, and dimple. And Lord knows that unless you are 18 and solid as a rock, you are going to jiggle. Either put on some spanx or put on some jeans.

Trend #2: Sleeveless, One Sleeve or Halter
 I know, I know...when it's hot you wanna feel free. This works for some. But for those of US that can't do it...leave it alone. There are so many other options. 4 Words: Stretch marks and Bat Wings...not gonna work. It's not even worth it; there are so many cute tops with short sleeves and 3/4 sleeves.

Finally my All time Favorite: Form Fitting or Tight!

Why? WTH are you thinking about!?? There are a lot of Fulfigured sisters out there with Coke bottle figures. They are shapely and well proportioned BUT there are alot of sisters that are not. It's Okay! It is what it is! I just can not understand buying a dress or outfit that does not compliment your silouhette. Why would you highlight you flaws?

At the end of the day...style is simple. Do what WORKS for you and if you don't know what works, ask a friend. Friends don't Let Friends Dress Drunk!! And if you wear clothes that don't work for you... that's exactly what people will think: "She must have been drunk when she put that on". I for one employ my sista friends to tackle my behind down at the door before they allow me to hit the streets WRONG and OUT OF ORDER!! Sometimes It Takes A Village to Raise A Phabolous Diva.

THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

During an interview a couple years ago actor Will Smith said that he tries to make sure he surrounds himself with people that are above him. Men and women that are doing things and have made accomplishments that he has yet to achieve. By doing so he believes he puts himself in the mindset that there is always work to be done and therefore there are always new heights to ascend to.
Look around you....are the people in your life in the same situation you're in? Even worst are you doing better than everyone else in your circle? Perhaps this is why you are stuck in a rut...stagnate. How easy is it to become complacent when no one around you serves as an inspiration.

I realize I cling to the familiar, over the years change has been a source of discomfort. I also realize that some of the people in my life are depending on me not changing. Again I say look around you...there are people that feed off your energy whether it be negative or positive. When you are doing well and your light is shining too bright you will find they stear themselves in the opposite direction in fear that your rays will illuminate their dim existance. When you are down and in the dumps they cling to you because your dampened spirits make their situation seem brighter.
If you encapsulate yourself within a group of people that are at the top of their game, women that are well put together, well groomed and phabolous, business owners that are prosperous, intelligent and driven, men and women that are healthy and fit, spiritually grounded, financially secure and positive; your entire mindset will change. How can it not? You will either be inspired to change or you too will find reason to distance yourself. One thing is for sure negative people can not survive in an environment that has been set at a climate of  happiness, personal growth and success. A joyful existance is infectious. You stay around a joy filled, successful person long enough you will eventually begin to inquire about the source of their joy and the makings of their success. You will eventually find a need to elevate yourself  and ascend. You will no longer sit around complacent, waiting for something to happen. You will be inspired to change and motivated to succeed. You will be in Pursuit of Happyness.

Hoarders

One of my favorite shows is A&E's reality television show "Hoarders". The show follows the lives of people that have a complusive disorder that causes them to hold on to mounds of clutter and trash. Random items from their past that they no longer need. I am always amazed at how overwhelmed they become when faced with the possibility of  letting go of things that seem to me to be absolutely USELESS! They sit around for hours sifting through bags and boxes of stuff! Stuff that is weighing them down. Stuff that is weighing their lives down by creating environments that are unhealthy and unfit to live in.
Ah Ha Moment #5! I am a Hoarder. My house is clean....in fact I am constantly throwing stuff away to prevent clutter and chaos. I pride myself on being well organized. Instead I hoard emotions. Emotions that clutter my spirit and leave me with mounds of spiritual JUNK and a body that is unhealthy and unfit to live in. The manifestation of my hoardering is obesity and dreams deferred. Wow!
 I find myself spending hours sifting through emotional baggage. Memories of hurt feelings, disappoint and mistreatment. Memories that should remain where they happened, in the past. Hmmm...I wonder if people look at me with the same disgust that I view the people on the A&E special. I'm sure some do....how can you allow your body (your physical home) to get so out of control?  I can not imagine allowing my house to become so overwhelmed with trash and clutter that it is impossible for me to move around and function in it; yet I have allowed my Body to become overwhelmed to the point that I can not move around and fully function at the level that others can. Oh My God! Addiction is Addiction is Addiction....you truly have to view yourself with the same scrunity that you view others. When you do you reveal your truth and subsequently may not like what you uncover. I am a hoarder....my house is filthy. It's going to take a lot of hard work to clean up this mess, but I am rolling up my sleeves and pulling out the big green lawn bags. I refuse to take any more of this SHIT with me, excuse my language but I don't know any other way to say it. It is utterly impossible for me to come out on top and become the woman I want to be when I refuse to let go of the girl/woman I used to be. I have got to let her go. She is full of S.H.I.T: Shame, Hurt, Insults & Torment. She is a passenger no longer fit for the journey. Today I will pull her close to me, embracing her fully and then whisper in her ear a heartfelt Goodbye.

I Can't Complain

It is so easy to sit around and wallow in one's misery. But why? There is so much joy to be celebrated. Each morning brings new grace and new light. Light that shines through the darkness and reveals a whole new path for the journey. I woke up this morning with a song in my heart and a celebration on my mind. I want to celebrate my life; my yesterdays, my today and if God willing my tomorrows. I can't complain. I won't complain. I am on a journey that in the end will reveal to the world a Stronger, more successful, more self-assured woman.

 Everyday I learn something new about myself and I feel empowered and encouraged.

We live in a time where nothing can be taken for granted. Life is much too fragile to be taken for granted. Therefore we must live a in constant state of gratefulness. Monday mornings...back to work, I have no complaints. Instead I thank God that my Mondays are not spent in the unemployment office or in front of the computer searching. Bills and mortgages taking all my money...I can not complain. Instead I thank God for the Home that I am blessed with that requires me to pay a mortage. I could be Homeless. A love loss...I won't complain, instead I will celebrate the opportunity that has given to find new love, real love. 

I will remain in a constant state of Gratefulness...I will no longer complain about a life that is obviously Blessed and Phabolous. I will no longer Complain...I can't complain.  

Happy To Be Nappy

Over the last few years I've noticed that more and more sistas are shedding their chemically altered manes and opting to sport their natural roots. I love the fact that we are embracing our natural beauty and screaming to the world "We Are Happy To Be Nappy!" I for one have been sporting my curly coif for over 12 years, alternating between an ultra short, boy cut and a funky, little bushy fro.
 As much I love celebrating my natural essence I still admire the versitility that comes along with chemically processed hair. However what I've learned is that there is a way for me to have my cake and eat it too! I can still rock the stylish straight hairstyles I adore without giving in to the "Creamy Crack" addiction I fought so hard to kick.

Wigs, wigs and Weaves...Weaves and Wigs! You just gotta love the invention of both. You can pop on a wig and totally transform your look....Beyonce by day and Halle Berry by night. And for those who desire a more permenant change, you can always opt to glue or sew in new locks. The thing is everyone is doing it; so you don't have to worry about getting looks of awe and shock when your hair suddenly grows 6 inches over night. 

Regardless of whether your crown is naturally yours or silky straight, every sista can benefit from having a couple of Phab wigs in their game. Easy fix for a bad hair day or a quick switch from the everyday. Whatever the reason make sure you find a wig that fits your head and your look, and whatever you do please invest in a good one. Cheap hair is a NO NO!
 Divas are like magicians, they can pull a great look out of a hat in the blink of an eye. LOVE THEM...can't wait to become an official member of the exclusive club. I love this Journey...It's easy to be Phabolous once you know the tricks of the trade.

KEEPING IT REAL

This morning I woke up feeling like I'd hit a brick wall. I felt anxious and somewhat confused about the purpose of my journey. I really couldn't figure it out, but I felt like throwing my hands in the air and giving up.
 I know what it is...it's me. I always find an excuse to get in my own way. I knew when I started this journey that is wasn't going to be easy. In fact it is quite hard at times. I also knew that my biggest challenge would be conquering my own fears. Sometimes I believe I sabotage myself, because I fear my own success. Weird isn't it? But what happens if this actually works? I will truly be a different person. I will still be me but very different all the same. Wow! What is it when you fear your own success? What does it say about you when you are your biggest obstacle? I think it's time for some self-evaluation. It's time I got real honest with myself.

Number 1: I am where I am in life because of me. Because of the good and bad choices I've made, the people I've allowed in my life and the paths I've chosen to take. I have always been in control. I have always been the keeper of my own destiny. And as much as I want to cry Whoa is me....Me is the problem! I've chose to overeat and not exercise. I chose to buy fastfood that I didn't need instead of the Phabolous clothes and accessories I admired. I chose to give my time and energy to people and things that meant me no good. I CHOSE!

Number 2: I am a procrastinator. I am constantly saying I will do it tomorrow. I will start my diet fresh tomorrow. I will start back writing tomorrow...too much I'm going to do, instead of I am doing. Too many times opportunity has come knocking on my door and I have been too ill prepared to recieve it. And opportunity waits for no one.

Number 3: I am a complainer. I have way too many Whoa is me stories. WTH! I've come to realize everybody has a sad story. Some of us choose to sit around and reminisce about them while others choose to Win by turning their sad stories into Testimonies. You can not testify about your sad story until you've successfully turned it around. You know: "From Homeless to Harvard", "From Skid Row to CEO",  "From the Projects to the Penthouse".  I have got to speak my success into existance. Otherwise my life is going to be one sad LifeTime movie. "And the Oscar goes to.....Lisa Northington, the grief stricken, pitiful victim." Not the role I want to play and definitely not the part I want to be remembered for.
Some will say I shouldn't be so hard on myself. But if I'm not who will be? Success comes at a price. One of the prices I have to pay is truth and ownership. I can not Change my life until I step up and acknowledge what is wrong and the part I played in getting it that way.
There is so much good in me and it would be very easy to sit around and talk about all my great attributes and accolades but that's not what I'm here for. I'm here because I have acknowledged a need for change in my life. It would be very easy for me to highlight my strengths and pretend like I have already arrived. But Change can not happen until I expose my weaknesses.
My journey is about self-discovery, self evaluation, self- improvement and self- love. I love myself enough to admit I am not perfect...I am a perfect work in progress. And nothing is more Rewarding than the Truth....the Wonderful, Liberating, Phabolous TRUTH!

I Hope You Dance

Music has always been a point of inspiration for me. There is refuge in lyrics that are written from the heart. The right song can fill you with joy; causing you to laugh, sing or in the best cases make you wanna dance. One such song is by country singer Lee Ann Womack entitled "I Hope You Dance". Not the usual soulful sounds of R&B or Gospel but a Soul Filled song none the less. You have to listen to the lyrics. They speak so genuinely about life and living. It's about making the choice to live life instead of sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else live.

I Hope You Dance

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder

You get your fill to eat

But always keep that hunger

May you never take one single breath for granted

God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

I hope you still feel small

When you stand by the ocean

Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens

Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance

I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance

Never settle for the path of least resistance

Living might mean taking chances

But they're worth taking

Lovin' might be a mistake

But it's worth making

Don't let some hell bent heart

Leave you bitter

When you come close to selling out

Reconsider
Give the heavens above

More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I HOPE YOU DANCE

                                    I HOPE YOU
                                 DANCE

So many times in life we choose to be wallflowers...sitting around watching everyone else enjoying the party, enjoying life. Oh God I thank you for this opportunity to dance and when my spirits are low and dancing seems like that last thing I should do; I hope I find the music to dance even harder.

Dancing is Living...Living out Loud without fear. Being unafraid to kick off your shoes, let your hair down and throw caution to the wind. Dancing is traveling and seeing the world, experiencing life and all its glory. Dancing is laughing and loving. Dancing is embracing yourself and celebrating YOU! Oh how I Hope You Dance. Here's to finding your own music and dancing to the beat of your own drum. This year I Hope We All Choose to Dance.

Sticky Notes

I am a firm believer in the Power of Words. " The Power of Life and Death is in the Tongue". Lately I find myself seeking words of Affirmation and encouragement to help me through my days. The ones that impact and inspire me the most end up on Sticky Notes around my home. On my refrigerator: "I have It in Me to get it OFF of ME". On my bathroom mirror:  "I Am Not Beautiful Despite My Flaws, I am Beautiful Because of My Flaws". On the dashboard of my car: "Everyday Is a New Opportunity to Start Anew....Today is the First of My Life!"   "PUSH!"

Today I want to invite you to share your Inspiring Quotes and Words of Affirmation with me. I need to hear from you...I need your words to inspire me and lift me as I continue on this journey. We are in this together!

Passion

Yesterday someone very close to me told me I had changed. That I had lost the passion for life that I once had, the very passion that drew that person to me. Once I really sat down and thought about it I realized they were right. It hurts when you hear someone else say it, but the truth is the truth. And this Truth came as no surprise. The reason why I started this journey in the first place is because I knew something was missing in my life. I had lost the very thing that made me, Me....passion.
When you are passionate about something you approach it with a zest and joy that is undeniable. When you lose that passion you lose a piece of yourself, your joy. I am a passionate person. I used to be in love with life. In love with the idea of what life had in store for me. I was passionate about my business, my home, my family and friends...just passionate about living. However, somewhere along the way I became complacent in my relationship with life. I stopped working at it and stopped devoting my time and energy to the things that made my life good. I begin to take my life and the things that I loved for granted. And before I knew it the flames of passion that once pushed me, flickered away.

Passion is like fuel, it keeps you moving. It motivates you to seek more, do more, Be more. It's been proven a hundred times over that the most successful people in life, are those that are doing something they are passionate about. They are doing what they love; so much so that it doesn't feel like work. Life shouldn't feel like work.
The wonderful thing about passion is that it can easily be rekindled and restored. It's like falling in love all over again. So I'm dating life right now, trying to find the right fit before I commit myself to anything permanent.  I'm taking my time, no need to rush to second base. I'm in the holding hands stage of the relationship...I can feel the butterflies in my stomach. The passion is building...this time I won't let it die. This time I will continue to work and not become complacent with the loves of my life. Life deserves my undivided attention each and every day.
I want to thank my friend for loving me enough to tell me the truth, for loving me enough to want to see me at my best. Phabolously Passionate, wonderfully gifted and full of life.

Tweeking Your Attitude

Ahhh! Monday Mornings...the dreaded beginning of the week. We drag ourselves out of bed and begin the count down until Friday rolls around again. It's no wonder why so many of us have bad weeks. Perhaps our attitudes need some tweeking. 

This morning I woke up with a different attitude. Today signifies the Beginning, an opportunity to start anew. A fresh start, a chance to get it right. Everything I did wrong last week can be done right this week. In fact everything I did last week is in my past and soon to be forgotten. I can move forward completely restored, restructured and revitalized. Ready to conquer the world! Monday is a day to rejoice and thank God for new life and new grace. I'm not the person I was last week. My mission is to make sure I will never be that person again...I plan to be leaner, stronger, happier, more successful, more fulfilled...greater. Ahhhh....Hello Monday, I've been awaiting your arrival. Counting the days since Friday.

Slow and Steady Wins the Race

I'm one month into my journey and I'm making progress. I haven't had the results I thought I would have but I haven't put in the work I should have put in. I weighed in yesterday and I've lost a total of 6 pounds this month, my initial response was blah! For some strange reason I was expecting Biggest Loser numbers knowing I hadn't put in Biggest Loser work. As always my harvest was a direct result of the seeds I planted the week before. Every candy bar, cookie and potatoe chip I called myself sneeking in, stepped up on that scale with me yesterday and weighed in. The end result is simple; when I cheat on my program, the only person I'm cheating is myself. I have got to keep that logic at the forefront of my mind.

That being said, I am going to have to step my game up. I can start by working out a little harder and exercising more self control and discipline. What I'm not going to do is beat myself up, because 6 pounds lost is so much better than 6 pounds gained. And even if I continue to only lose 6 pounds a month, in 12 months that 72 pounds! And a 72 pound weight loss is a Phabolous Thang!
I've always had the Hare mentality when it comes to dieting and weight loss, setting unrealistic goals and ultimately setting myself up to fail. This time around I plan to adopt a Tortoise conscience; knowing that as long as I keep moving and stay focused the finish line is on the horizon. Slow and steady wins the race and this is my year to WIN!

Inspiration

    As the days roll by, I find myself looking for inspiration around every corner. I know I'm in the fight of my life. However, I am determined to stay focused and driven. My vision board increases daily as I browse through magazines and the internet cutting out pictures and words that lift me. Pictures that inspire me to be a better person.
I know I'm on the right path, simply by all the obstacles that seem to be coming my way. I've always believed that the Devil doesn't bother you when you're standing still, doing nothing. Why should he? You pose no threat. But the minute you get moving and growing he pulls out his bag of tricks. He is determined to keep you from shining, because when you shine you magnify God's GLORY! I plan to be a walking testimony of just how Good GOD is! 

Today my inspiration comes from within. It is my innate ability to rebound. To get up after I've been hit hard and still have the energy to PUSH forward. It is a trait that runs deep within my family. I was born with it, as were all the women in my family. We are fighters. Strong, black, resilient women that are self sufficient, independent and driven. It began with my Grandmother Carrie, and has trickled down from one generation to the next.  A legacy of Phenomenal women, that ask for nothing but have given everything. Women that have fought the good fight and lived to tell about it the next day. These women are apart of who I am...my mother, my aunts, my cousins...we are Major women, doing Major things. I am inspired by the greatest that abounds me. I am excited to stand amongst them and call myself  one of them. Thank you Ladies for being so Phabolously Phenomenal. You make me proud to spell my name W.O.M.E.N.