Hoarders

One of my favorite shows is A&E's reality television show "Hoarders". The show follows the lives of people that have a complusive disorder that causes them to hold on to mounds of clutter and trash. Random items from their past that they no longer need. I am always amazed at how overwhelmed they become when faced with the possibility of  letting go of things that seem to me to be absolutely USELESS! They sit around for hours sifting through bags and boxes of stuff! Stuff that is weighing them down. Stuff that is weighing their lives down by creating environments that are unhealthy and unfit to live in.
Ah Ha Moment #5! I am a Hoarder. My house is clean....in fact I am constantly throwing stuff away to prevent clutter and chaos. I pride myself on being well organized. Instead I hoard emotions. Emotions that clutter my spirit and leave me with mounds of spiritual JUNK and a body that is unhealthy and unfit to live in. The manifestation of my hoardering is obesity and dreams deferred. Wow!
 I find myself spending hours sifting through emotional baggage. Memories of hurt feelings, disappoint and mistreatment. Memories that should remain where they happened, in the past. Hmmm...I wonder if people look at me with the same disgust that I view the people on the A&E special. I'm sure some do....how can you allow your body (your physical home) to get so out of control?  I can not imagine allowing my house to become so overwhelmed with trash and clutter that it is impossible for me to move around and function in it; yet I have allowed my Body to become overwhelmed to the point that I can not move around and fully function at the level that others can. Oh My God! Addiction is Addiction is Addiction....you truly have to view yourself with the same scrunity that you view others. When you do you reveal your truth and subsequently may not like what you uncover. I am a hoarder....my house is filthy. It's going to take a lot of hard work to clean up this mess, but I am rolling up my sleeves and pulling out the big green lawn bags. I refuse to take any more of this SHIT with me, excuse my language but I don't know any other way to say it. It is utterly impossible for me to come out on top and become the woman I want to be when I refuse to let go of the girl/woman I used to be. I have got to let her go. She is full of S.H.I.T: Shame, Hurt, Insults & Torment. She is a passenger no longer fit for the journey. Today I will pull her close to me, embracing her fully and then whisper in her ear a heartfelt Goodbye.