KEEPING IT REAL

This morning I woke up feeling like I'd hit a brick wall. I felt anxious and somewhat confused about the purpose of my journey. I really couldn't figure it out, but I felt like throwing my hands in the air and giving up.
 I know what it is...it's me. I always find an excuse to get in my own way. I knew when I started this journey that is wasn't going to be easy. In fact it is quite hard at times. I also knew that my biggest challenge would be conquering my own fears. Sometimes I believe I sabotage myself, because I fear my own success. Weird isn't it? But what happens if this actually works? I will truly be a different person. I will still be me but very different all the same. Wow! What is it when you fear your own success? What does it say about you when you are your biggest obstacle? I think it's time for some self-evaluation. It's time I got real honest with myself.

Number 1: I am where I am in life because of me. Because of the good and bad choices I've made, the people I've allowed in my life and the paths I've chosen to take. I have always been in control. I have always been the keeper of my own destiny. And as much as I want to cry Whoa is me....Me is the problem! I've chose to overeat and not exercise. I chose to buy fastfood that I didn't need instead of the Phabolous clothes and accessories I admired. I chose to give my time and energy to people and things that meant me no good. I CHOSE!

Number 2: I am a procrastinator. I am constantly saying I will do it tomorrow. I will start my diet fresh tomorrow. I will start back writing tomorrow...too much I'm going to do, instead of I am doing. Too many times opportunity has come knocking on my door and I have been too ill prepared to recieve it. And opportunity waits for no one.

Number 3: I am a complainer. I have way too many Whoa is me stories. WTH! I've come to realize everybody has a sad story. Some of us choose to sit around and reminisce about them while others choose to Win by turning their sad stories into Testimonies. You can not testify about your sad story until you've successfully turned it around. You know: "From Homeless to Harvard", "From Skid Row to CEO",  "From the Projects to the Penthouse".  I have got to speak my success into existance. Otherwise my life is going to be one sad LifeTime movie. "And the Oscar goes to.....Lisa Northington, the grief stricken, pitiful victim." Not the role I want to play and definitely not the part I want to be remembered for.
Some will say I shouldn't be so hard on myself. But if I'm not who will be? Success comes at a price. One of the prices I have to pay is truth and ownership. I can not Change my life until I step up and acknowledge what is wrong and the part I played in getting it that way.
There is so much good in me and it would be very easy to sit around and talk about all my great attributes and accolades but that's not what I'm here for. I'm here because I have acknowledged a need for change in my life. It would be very easy for me to highlight my strengths and pretend like I have already arrived. But Change can not happen until I expose my weaknesses.
My journey is about self-discovery, self evaluation, self- improvement and self- love. I love myself enough to admit I am not perfect...I am a perfect work in progress. And nothing is more Rewarding than the Truth....the Wonderful, Liberating, Phabolous TRUTH!