Laughing Out Loud

I have worked with children for over 20 years now. Through the years I have touched the lives of hundred of young scholars, educating them and giving them the social skills needed to embark on the rest of their academic careers. All the while learning from them one simple truth...there is joy in the simpliest of things. Happiness can be found in the hardest of times and laughter is like therapy for the heart. There is something to be said about the ability to Laugh out Loud. The mere thought of throwing your head back and laughing so the world can hear brings a smile to your face.
I am entering the 3rd month of my year long journey/transformation. Along the way I have had several set backs coupled with times of utter despair. Through the struggles and the tears I've managed to find solitude and refuge in the laughter of my little ones. Their laughter is infectious and highly contagious. I've learned that even the ugliest of situations can be turned around if I just take the time to look on the bright side of things and laugh. Knowing always that Most things are not as Bad as they seem and Nothing is as Good as It GETS.
So Smile...better yet laugh! And if you can't find anything new to laugh about, reminisce about lighter days and better times. Whatever you do rejoice and know that as promised:   JOY COMETH IN THE MORNING!

FINDING YOUR VOICE

So in the beginning I told you about my alter ego “Anayah”. In my opinion she is the true personification of what I want to be when I reach the 2011 destination of my journey. Each day I discover that Anayah is more a part of me than I thought she was. She is me and I am her. It’s just a matter of allowing this part of myself to be. I realize that over the years I’ve hidden this side of myself. Why? Because Anayah is brassy, unconstrained and in your face. She says what she wants and means what she says. She is not a people pleaser; her pleasure derives from self and the ability to remain true and honest.


Lisa on the other hand is a people pleaser. I have taken biting your tongue and swallowing your words to a whole new level. I don’t like shaking things up and on most occasions take in more bulls**t than I put out. Usually to the point that I can’t take anymore and I snap. This is no way to live; this is without a shadow of doubt a weight in my life that has caused me to carry the weight on my body.

People take advantage of you when they don’t know your Voice. They place their demands and expectations upon you when you fail to be heard. When you stand by and allow the people in your life: your family, your friends, your lover, your co-workers etc., to wipe their feet on you, they get used to you being their door mat. You assume the posture of someone who is to be overlooked and discarded. Someone who can be used and misused.

There is something totally wonderful and phabolous about standing your ground and saying what’s on your mind. There is something freeing about NOT allowing the world to have its way with you. There is something completely Liberating about SCREAMING! Leave me alone! Don’t talk to me in that manner! You will Respect ME! Or my all time favorite, GO TO STRAIGHT TO HELL! Whatever the words are that you’ve been holding back in fear that you may offend someone or lose someone dear…..say them before you lose the one person you should hold dearest…YOURSELF!

The Power of Life and Death are on the tip of your Tongue. Give Voice to a New Life and A New Way of Living!

Affirm Daily: I am Wonderfully Phabolous, Beautiful and Strong. I am Successful and Powerful, Resilient and Full of Life…Because of this and so Much More, You will Honor and Respect Me or You will Remove Yourself from My Life!

Here We Go AGAIN

Here I am again. This is the way it goes down EVERY TIME. I start out the gate running full speed ahead, ready to conquer the world. I feel invincible, unstoppable and determined. This is it! This time around I’m going to show all the nay sayers and haters that didn’t believe in me that I could do it. I'm going to prove once and for all that once I set my mind to it I was able to achieve everything I said I would.
That’s in the beginning, when the fire is hot and my mind and will are aligned. That was back in January, when anger, hurt and passion were fueling my ambitions and I wanted more than anything to come out on top. That was before the work began. Once reality set in and I realized the amount of work that needed to be done in order for change to occur, the Old Lisa stepped in. And I have been in a mental fist fight with her ever since. I’m puzzled as to how this happens to me. Almost without warning, one morning I wake up and all the zest and zeal is gone. I am back in that place of self doubt and confusion. Asking why me Lord, why me? Why can’t I have success? Why does it come so easy for some yet so hard for me? Am I not worthy? What have they done that I am not doing? Why is life so easy for them? BLAH. BLAH! BLAH! You know….whoa is me! Whoa is ME!

The difference this time is that I recognize and am now confronting my biggest enemy, ME! I have allowed so many years to past me by. Years that could have been used productively. I’m pissed with myself for allowing the EXCUSES to get in the way. I have a thousand and one excuses as to why I haven’t done the things that I say I want to do. A thousand and one EXCUSES that amount to absolutely nothing.

I have been struggling with my weight for years; juggling the same 50 to 75 pounds. Losing it, gaining it…living with it. (SCREAMING!!!!!) I am so F**King tired of hearing my own sob story about the weight. Stop eating so damn much Lisa, workout….it’s not Rocket Science. Either lose it or accept it. But for the love of God please stop whinning about it! Then there’s school. LOL! I have been finishing school for 15 years. I should have a Double Doctrine by now. Again either finish or shut up about it. More importantly come to grips and realize that the level of my success is not determined by a Degree someone gives me but yet by the Degree of intensity I give to myself and my life. Ahhh HA!!!
And last but certainly not least is my writing, my book. This is by my biggest crime against myself. I have sat back and watched far LESS talented people publish books and achieve the very success I’ve envisioned for myself. What is that! It’s INSANITY that’s what it is! I must be out of my mind…to sit on God given talent and just allow it to waste away. I am doing myself a grave injustice.

I’ve got to get back on track. I’ve strayed away from the plan. I’ve lost sight of the vision. I’ve lost FOCUS. I thank God for allowing me to see it now instead of 3 or 4 months down the line. I refuse to bring in 2011 standing in the same spot I was in at the beginning of 2010; assuming the same position in the same posture. I promise you…NO I PROMISE MYSELF that when I toast the New Year in 2011 I will not be the same person. I will have to ID myself because I plan to be unrecognizable even to me!  Mentally, Physically and Spiritually Transformed. Phabolous beyond Recognition!

Makes Me Wanna Holler

Life is overwhelming when you're living. I've discovered that when you are truly trying to do everything you should be doing and everything you want to do, there are not enough hours in the day. Scheduling and planning are a must and even then sometimes you wanna just throw your hands in the air and holler.

 My day usually begins at 4:30am with a workout until 6:00am, rush home shower and get dressed. Start my blog, open my business and work until 1:00pm, when I normally get a break. Hopefully during this time if I'm lucky I'll get to finish my blog, post it; eat some lunch and maybe even relax. By 2:30pm I start back up again and I don't finish until around 6:00pm on a good day. At which time I try to find some dinner, work on my book and tidy my house. If I manage to stay awake, I catch up on a little television which doesn't last long before I am fast asleep. Mind you some days there are errands to run...the bank, drug store, groceries, and even a date here and there. WTH! And I can just forget about the weekends because Saturday is usually a marathon of running around! Sunday is a blurr and then it's Monday all over again!!
I'm saying all this to express a need to revamp my schedule and find some type of sensibility especially before  I add school to the equation. I've got to discover a life less complicated that allows me to accomplish my goals with minimum stress and maximum joy. Otherwise my journey will be derailed and I will return to my old routine of doing the bare minimum, just enough to get by.

Ah Haah Moment #10: Never be afraid to take a detour. It's better to take a different path that leads to the same destination than to give up and turn back.

Obligations

We are so many things to so many people that sometimes we forget to be ourselves. We spend so much time running through life trying to meet the expectations and obligations set for us by others that we lose ourselves and become titles... dedicated moms, devoted wifes, disciplined church members and indispensable employees. So many titles that the Tracys, Monicas and Nicoles get lost. We put so much effort into upholding an "Image" that eventually when we look in the mirror we don't recognize the image staring back at us.
When we strip away the titles imposed upon us by others, what are we left with? Why are we so quick to define ourselves by the deeds and work we do for others? Instead shouldn't the definition of who we are be the one that clearly affirms the Destiny we've set for ourselves? Should we not be so bold as to decide who we want to be? Why is saying "No" and doing for self so quickly associated with being selfish and therefore wrong?
I am so sick and tired of feeling guilty for not wanting to be everything to everybody. And even more tired of people trying to pimp my talents and my time. It seems no matter what, there will always be those that are more than willing to leech off the skills and efforts of others.

A great part of my journey is taking care of Self; putting me first. I will no longer feel obligated to comply, conform or commit myself to anything but Me and My God. Everyone and everything else is secondary and therefore must wait until I have the time and energy to give to their situation. I will no longer carry the weight of others, especially those who are not willing to carry mine. The weight of the world will no longer be placed upon my shoulders. I wanna be FREE! Free to be the Phabolous Woman I was Destine to BE!

This is my Emancipation Speech...

Support

I believe in order to truly be successful, one must surround themselves with family and friends that offer support. People that are familiar with your struggles and have a genuine vested interest in your success. I have often referred to them as passengers on the journey but in many ways they are conductors. The good ones, the ones that truly love and believe in you are essential. It is their guidance that will steer the way when you get off track. It is their words that will resonate in your heart and mind when you feel discouraged. It is their strength that will carry you when you feel like you can not go on.
I spend a lot of time looking for motivation and support to aid me on my journey. I find myself seeking songs that inspire me, quotes that lift me, television shows that inform me and online communities that offer support and encouragement. I am always amazed at the outpour of support and kindness of strangers. People struggling with the same issues and concerns; willing to share their stories and offer their support. People just like me.
One such community can be found at Sparkpeople.com. On this site you will find people of all ages and from all walks of life that are working towards losing weight. The site is free and offers countless tools that will aid you in your journey. Tools that allow you to track your daily caloric intake, as well as give you menus to follow according to your dietary needs. Tools that map out work out regiments and help you set fitness goals. I just joined yesterday and I love it. Simple to use and easy to apply.
If you just want to be inspired by other people's success, try "The Biggest Loser" at NBC.com. The tranformations are remarkable no matter how many times you watch them. This site also offers weight loss strategies, menu ideas and recipes; as well as workout routines. I start my morning by watching the videos and tracking the success stories of former contestants.
No matter who or where you draw your inspiration from, remember to feed your spirit daily with words and images that will encourage your success. What you take in is what you put out...Watch your thoughts, they become your words. Watch your words, they become your actions. Watch your actions, they become your habits. Watch your habits, they become your character. WATCH YOUR CHARACTER, IT BECOMES YOUR DESTINY. I am determined that my destiny is alined with Greatest and full of Phabolous living!

The Pressure

Things happen for a reason and all of it happens in due season. Sometimes the very thing you run from is the very thing you need. I am learning to embrace life just as it comes to me. Learning to change the things that I can and to accept the things that I have no control over. I'm learning to Stand still and Listen. Listening is so HARD. Going into that quiet place where only you and God dwell, silencing the noise of the world and following the lead of the One that already knows the plan. The One who the wrote the plan.
The arrogant part of me would like to believe that this journey was of my own choosing. But it was Time, I think the Creator got tired of watching me travel around in the same circle wasting the gifts He had given me. He created me to be Phabolous and to live a Phabolous life. That is His wish for all of us. I don't believe a person has to be holier than thou or walk around toting a bible to recognize when God is moving in their lives. Sometimes there is no other explanation.
Over the past 47 days I have been in a tug of war, fighting with great vigor the changes that are occuring in my life. This time I am not winning...God is standing His ground. He is deteremined that my life will be an example of how great He is.

Anyone who has been through a season of change knows that the hardest part is the Pressure. The pressure that must be applied in order to uncover the beauty that lies within. If you can withstand the pressure... Glory! I am learning that during this season of change everything has a purpose. Every triumph, every trail and every tribulation has a purpose. There is a reason why people seem to be turning their backs on you. There is a reason why you are always sick, always tired. There is a reason why you lost your job, there is a reason why the relationship ended. Even my insomnia has a purpose.There is no time for Sleep...Change is Coming! The pressure is changing my posture. I don't Stand the same therefore I won't Stand for the same. The pressure is making my heart Tougher, my mind Wiser and my shoulders Stronger. So the next time life throws me a punch I'll be Tough enough to withstand it or Wise enough to duck. The next time the weight of the world is on my shoulders I'll be able to stand a little taller, throw my shoulders back and Scream "Is that All you GOT!" The pressure... I Thank God for the Pressure. I'm thankful He chose me to apply pressure to. I know it is because He sees in me what I have yet to see in myself, A Diamond. And just as you must apply pressure to a lump of coal to produce a diamond, so must you apply pressure to your life to come out Shinning. Shinning Like the Beautiful, Brilliant, Phabolous Jewel you were meant to be.